Why didn’t I speak up?

I don’t know what it is about birthdays – at least for me – as the day gets closer, I start reflecting over so many things.

This year’s reflection seemed to be a lot heavier this year as whew – let me tell y’all 33 was a year!!! I have always heard about 33 being called the ‘resurrection year’ and for me – it truly was that.

When I tell you, my entire life changed last year – my ENTIRE LIFE changed. Every element I had before was completely different. I moved to a new city, had a breakup, quit my job, lost out on opportunities, had a period of depression, sought out therapy, old friendships changed, new friendships emerged, new opportunities, got a new job – it was A LOT of change in one year. And that is just what I can remember quickly. (lol)

But one thing that kept going through my head was the question ‘why didn’t you speak up?’

I kept replaying situations and scenarios in my head and thinking about what I could have said vs what I actually said, or in some cases – didn’t say nothing at all.

I mean for goodness sake! – my business name is ‘Speak Up La’ and I have moments – many moments where I didn’t speak up for myself?!?!? Where they do that at??

As I sat and reflected more, there were some key things that I realized:

I didn’t speak up in some of my friendships.

I am thankful to have such an amazing circle of people in my life. Like I am truly blessed!! As with life comes change and something that has been hard for me over the last couple years, a few of my friendships changed in ways that I didn’t expect. And some have been drastic to the point in like we were talking every day and then we just weren’t. A situation would happen and boom – I would just retreat.

For me, I absolutely hate conflict – so ANY sign of it – I literally run away. I know not a very healthy way to cope with things – but I feel that if I do that, I can save a relationship that way. Um yea that is not the case sometimes.

By not speaking up I reflected and found that I never shared my voice, never shared how the situation(s) made me feel and just let one narrative play out.

Another thing I realized during this reflection period – I didn’t speak up for how I wanted to live my life.

Since the tender age of probably like three, the only thing I knew was I wanted to be a medical doctor. That’s what I was told to become. Well #spoileralert 1) I did not end up choose to be a medical doctor and 2) I understand why my parents put a good career goal in mind for me to attain, they wanted the best for me. But in truth you really have to decide how you want to live your life.

Up until just a short time ago – I wasn’t living my life fully and I drastically wanted a change. I will always remember the day when I yelled out “THIS AINT IT! I NEED TO CHANGE MY LIFE” – and crazy enough a few days later I got a LinkedIn message about a new job opportunity – whew I learned in that moment when you speak up there is literally power in your voice! Things can change in an instant.

To cut to the chase – I am now working in my dream job building in ways for the community that I never even imaged and loving every moment of it!! Being in alignment in what I do every day in my 9-5 also helps my personal business too because I am happier overall and it absolutely helps because I am now my best self every day, not just after I finish working.

But something else that I learned over this year – which ties a lot to my first reflection – I truthfully didn’t know how to speak up in healthy ways consistently.

I pride myself in being a pretty effective communicator – but I struggle within my own life and how I communicate with people closest to me related to conflict. But that is the amazingness of therapy (which I highly encourage everyone to do!) is I have learned how to better communicate in conflict situations. And let’s be honest conflict and tough conversations will always be a thing.

Knowing how to communicate in a way to get your point across and hear what the other person is saying – is so needed. Most focus so much on our point that we sometimes fail to listen. Communication is a two-way street.

Am I happy that certain things have happened the way they did? Some yes, some no. Am I happy some friendships have changed? Some yes, some no. I am a believer that things happen for a reason. There was a reason that I went through periods I didn’t speak up to learn the lessons I have gained today.

The next area in truth I am still working/reflecting on relates to how I didn’t speak up in past relationships – this will take me some time – but that is something I have to unpack for sure. And maybe I will write about it one day :)

If nothing else – please remember to always use your voice how best for you. Find ways to effectively communicate. And Speak Up Loves.

#untilnexttime #speakupla #blog #blogginglife #blackblogger #newblog #personalblog #mylife #mylessons